Recognizing When an Aging Loved One Needs Assistance

November 09, 2011

For those who live far from their parents, the holidays are often a happy time of family reunions, celebration and catching up with old friends. But as loved ones age, this can also be a time of unpleasant surprises for those who discover that their aging loved one is showing signs of decline.

My experience has been that many aging adults that are facing new limitations often try to mask their condition so as to avoid drawing attention to themselves. This is particularly true when family is remote and the primary contact is through telephone. It’s not uncommon for an out-of-town relative to be unaware of the physical changes their loved ones are experiencing and are shocked when they see their loved one after being apart for a period of time. Holiday family gatherings can be a good time to assess how your loved one is doing and discern if there is a cause for concern.

Are These Changes Just Part of Aging?
The question that needs to be addressed is; are the changes that you observe in your loved one serious - will he/she be safe living home alone? There are some signs to look for that indicates a loved one may benefit from additional home assistance.

One of the first observations is to make sure that your loved one is continuing to maintain his/her personal appearance and hygiene as well as they had in the past. Warning signs could include wearing the same clothing day after day, or neglecting to bath or brush teeth. If your loved one is taking medications, watch to make sure he/she remembers when to take their meds, and that they fully understand what condition each medication is treating. Failure to understand the medication regime and what it is treating can often lead to medication errors and possible hospitalization. Loss of weight could be an indication that a loved one is forgetting to eat, or unable to prepare nutritious meals that their body requires. 

When visiting with a loved one at their home, you should look for signs of neglect in the house. If the home looks unkempt or cluttered, it could be that regular, simple maintenance chores such as cleaning bathrooms, washing floors or regular vacuuming are not being performed and could be a health risk. Keep an eye out for piles of unpaid—or even unopened—bills. Avoiding tasks such as this could be a sign that once manageable tasks have become overwhelming for your loved one. Keep a lookout for burned pots and pans, as well as food that is past its expiration date or molding.

Additional signs of a problem may be that your loved one is not taking proper care of a pet, is avoiding or having difficulty with steps or has limited interest or contact with the outside world. If you see these signs in your loved one, it is time to speak up. You may not want to broach the subject during the holidays, but don’t wait too long before addressing the situation. The earlier you start the conversation, the sooner you can address the needs and get peace of mind knowing that your loved one is safe and their needs are being cared for.

When it is time to have “the conversation” prepare what you want to say beforehand, and focus on your concern to help maintain the life your loved one desires as they age. Bring other family members into the discussion during the early stages so everyone is on the same page. This can spare you and your loved ones much discord later. If you expect it to be a difficult conversation, some experts recommend introducing the topic briefly and then agreeing on a later time to discuss the matter in more detail after everyone has had time to reflect. Another option to consider is bringing in a family mediator or geriatric consultant to weigh-in and keep the conversation peaceful.

Many Options Available

There are many options available for seniors in need of assistance. Sometimes, the assistance of a family or friend is enough. Other times this is not practical, particularly if family members live too far away or are already overcommitted. Other single-service care options can address a specific need, such as meals-on-wheels or an adult daycare. Your local Council on Aging may offer some of these services; contact them to find out. If more comprehensive care is needed, there are assisted living facilities and nursing homes—or, if your loved one wishes to stay at home, you will want to consider an in-home care service such as Right at Home.

Ultimately, no single isolated sign necessarily means your loved one is in trouble. After spending time with your loved one, take a gut check. Sometimes you can feel a change in a person even if you can’t articulate it. Trust yourself; go with your instinct. And in the meantime, enjoy your precious time together and celebrate during the Holiday season.

About Libet Callahan, RN, BSN
Libet Callahan is the President and Owner of Right at Home Homecare. Right at Home serves families throughout the South Shore by providing companion, homemaker and personal care services that enable seniors and those with disabilities to remain in the comfort of their home for as long as possible. Libet is a graduate of Columbia University School of Nursing and has worked in community and in-home nursing on the South Shore for many years.
Libet may be reached at 781-681-3545 or email at libet@rah-southshore.com