How To Help Plan for Your Older Relative’s Care

Even if You’re Not the Power of Attorney

When an aging parent, grandparent, or other relative needs help with their care or living situation, it’s natural to want to pitch in. But what if you’re not the health care power of attorney (POA)? You’re not empowered to make decisions about your relative’s care, but that doesn’t mean you’re powerless.

Here’s how you can still play a big role in helping your loved one plan for their care.

1. Focus on Supportive Conversations, Not Decisions

If you’re not the health care power of attorney, your role is to support, not direct. Chances are, your older relative has already had important conversations about their wishes, needs, and long-term plans with whoever is the POA.

But that doesn’t mean your voice—or presence—isn’t helpful.

You can still have meaningful conversations with your loved one, centered on connection rather than decision-making. Ask how they’re feeling, what comforts them, or what stories they want to share. When shared thoughtfully, these moments can offer emotional support for your relative and valuable insight to the POA. Your support can help preserve the human side of care.

2. Support the Power of Attorney—Don’t Sideline Them

It’s easy to fall into the trap of second-guessing whoever holds POA. Maybe they’re slow to act, or you don’t agree with every move. But remember, they’re carrying a legal responsibility—and probably a heavy emotional one too.

Instead of challenging their decisions, ask how you can help:

• “Want me to research assisted living options?”
• “Do you want help organizing paperwork or setting up appointments?”
• “Would it help if I spent time with our aunt so you can take a break?”

Offer concrete support, not vague opinions.

3. Do the Legwork No One Wants To Do

The person with POA often gets buried in paperwork and logistics. That’s where you come in. Ask if you can help with:

• Touring care facilities. Take notes and report back.
• Calling insurance providers. Gather information that will help your loved one and their POA make decisions and changes.
• Creating and/or maintaining a shared cloud-based document to keep track of medications, appointments, emergency contacts, and/or meal schedules.

You’re not running the show, but you can help keep the wheels turning. That matters.

4. Be the Eyes and Ears

Visit regularly if you can. Sometimes you’ll notice things others miss:

• Is your relative eating?
• Are they confused more often?
• Is the house becoming unsafe?

Share observations, not accusations. For example, you might say, “I noticed she had trouble getting up the stairs—maybe it’s time to think about a safer setup?”

Details like these help the POA make more informed decisions.

5. Stay Connected—To Each Other

Family tensions can run high when big changes happen. One person is overwhelmed, another feels shut out, and someone always brings up “what Mom would have wanted.”

Try to keep the focus where it belongs: caring for your loved one with dignity and kindness. Share updates, respect roles, and don’t ghost the family just because you’re not in charge.

A Final Note for Grandchildren

Even if you’re younger, your support matters. Spending time with your grandparent, helping them feel seen and heard, or just showing up with a meal or game to play—those are big things. You don’t need a legal title to be a lifeline.

Helping someone age well is a team effort. You don’t need to be the one signing papers to make a difference. Just show up, stay respectful, and do what you can.

How Right at Home Can Help

Caring for an older family member can be a demanding, continuous responsibility. Without periodic breaks, caregivers may jeopardize their own mental and physical health. Respite care provides an opportunity for family caregivers to attend to their own well-being, with the assurance that their older loved one is under the care of a professional. Respite care allows family caregivers to resume their duties in a rested and refreshed state. Along with respite care, Right at Home offers a wide range of in-home care services to help keep seniors safe in their homes. To find out more about our services, use our office locator to contact the location nearest you.

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